Where to begin?  I’ve thought many times over the summer how I should blog about my upcoming big 3-0.

If I had had all the time in the world I would have done a photo essay of 30 of my favorite things. I got as far as creating that list.   Alas, my busy work schedule didn’t allot me that fun luxury of that creative process.

I went through all the range of emotions as the days dwindled down and that big day approached.  I was mad at myself for not creating a “must do before 30” or “30 cities before 30”.. or whatever.  I found that I was regretful in not really preparing better for this next milestone properly.  With this official and final launch into adulthood I found myself ill prepared as a what I had preconceived at some earlier part of my 20’s to be “grown up” when I reached this point in my life.  I have much to show for my efforts and time as a 20 something but I felt that I would have be so much more “together” “accomplished” and even “mature” than I currently see myself.

I woke up on my 30th birthday in my favorite city (Paris) and I found I was content.  With who I am. How I have lived. How I have loved and how I will attempt to embrace the next decade of my life.

I realized at some point this year (maybe as I’m writing this) that being an adult or grown up or being 30 isn’t about a checklist of successes.   Which brought me to the question  – “If you knew that your attempt to do something would fail, would you do it anyway?”

This is the year that I decided that I wasn’t going to not live my life because of fear.  That I was going to open myself up to love, to traveling, to making new friends, to moving away from my home town, to learning a new language, to being pushed out of my comfort zone, to acknowledging my faults, to following my dreams and subsequently the failure of all those things.  When I think of all the above things it is both elating and terrifying. There are so many parts of me that want to run away from all those decisions and possible new awareness and just be satisfied with where I am and not face those “unknowns”.  But I know that the simplest of new experiences can rock your world and make you ever wonder why or how you could have lived so long without it.  And because of that it creates this insatiable desire in me for more.  Yet, fear is still present.

I also came to the conclusion that once you’ve tasted the richness and depth of what it is to gain and lose these things you know you have lived the full range of what it is to be human.  That my friend, is a beautiful thing. It is something I hope to be open to for the rest of my life.

Because there is a huge part of me that believes that failure is relative.  The journey of living life to its fullest in its full range of ups and downs is by no means failure.  You have to choose to push through fears existence to obtain your goal. No one is fear-less. Your ability to overcome that obstacle is where the reward is.

So if I was to sum up my thoughts on turning 30 and what i’ve learned so far…

Perspective is everything.  How you see your life and how you embrace every day is a decision.   Also, drink water, do yoga, travel and smile.

You’ll thank me later.